When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön is a profound and deeply comforting book that offers timeless wisdom for navigating life’s most challenging moments. Whether you’re dealing with personal loss, emotional turmoil, or existential uncertainty, Chödrön’s gentle guidance helps you find peace and clarity amid the chaos. What I Loved: • Compassionate Wisdom: Chödrön writes with an incredible sense of compassion and understanding. Her insights are drawn from Buddhist teachings, but they’re presented in a way that’s accessible to anyone, regardless of their spiritual background. The book feels like a warm, comforting presence that reassures you it’s okay to feel vulnerable and lost. • Embracing Uncertainty: One of the central themes of the book is the idea of embracing uncertainty and impermanence. Chödrön teaches that it’s precisely in our moments of discomfort and fear that we can grow the most. This perspective shift is incredibly empowering and can help you face life’s difficulties with more resilience and grace. • Practical Advice: Beyond the philosophical and spiritual insights, the book offers practical advice for dealing with difficult emotions like fear, anger, and sadness. Chödrön encourages readers to stay present with their feelings, rather than running away from them, which can lead to deeper healing and understanding. • Meditative Quality: The writing itself has a meditative quality, with short chapters that you can read slowly and reflect on. It’s the kind of book you can pick up and put down as needed, making it a perfect companion for tough times. • Universal Relevance: Although rooted in Buddhist philosophy, the themes of the book are universal. Chödrön’s teachings about love, compassion, and acceptance are relevant to anyone going through a difficult time, regardless of their beliefs.

i have been reading and re-reading this book for years and years. it is my go-to book during any difficult time, and i always glean something knew regarding my current situation. pema chodron's writing takes away a lot of the loftiness i've encountered while trying to read bhuddist self help books, but since pema has already gone through so much of the craziness of life, her lessons areextremely comprehensive and compassionate. i love this book because you can open it to any page and start reading and you will find something you can use. love it. thank you pema! i recommend all her books. the places that scare you is awesome and a good one for impulsive activity, including jumping to conclusions, anger, etc, is called don't bite the hook. those are my 3 favorites. oh, i guess it would help to mention my reasons for seeking out this genre of information: i went through a terrible breakup, moved across the country with my dog, the dog bit someone ferociously on the neck, i lost my dog and the house i was living at the time (on the same day as losing the dog), was outcast from my group of friends because they saw my dog as an extension of me, went to live in a basement apartment, started drinking heavily, and fell into a depression that consisted of me waking up, taking an ambien, and going back to sleep. then when i woke up again, i would just take more ambien until i fell asleep again. i lost about 15 pounds on my already 120 pound frame, and contemplated "disappearing" whenever i was awake. it was a completely sucktastic time. i do indeed credit pema for helping me see that i had to kick my butt into gear and grab ahold of the reins.

Wonderful book to read , got it as a gift for my friend and she truly enjoyed it, very encouraging and positive vibes .

This book is filled with insights on how to get beyond that incessantly babbling parrot we call the conscious mind, to stop clinging to our life stories, what Eckhart Tolle might call the content of the mind, and to connect with our real self. In doing so we connect with, well, everything. The frustrating part of this read for me, though, is that Pema often uses a unique vocabulary to describe the ideas she wants to get across, and to me it's not always clear what she means. It's not that she's using esoteric Buddhist terminology--I'm thinking that it's either just the way she expresses herself, or maybe the followers of Trungpa Rinpoche share a common vocabulary through prolonged contact with him and each other. I'm reminded of Darwin's finches, evolving separately from their kin in isolation in the Galapagos. In any event, there were a number of times when I wasn't sure I got her meaning. I read each troublesome passage a few times and made my best interpretation, but I really can't be sure what I understood is what she meant. My personal feeling is that she'd reach more people if her language was a little more generic, for lack of a better word, or if she defined some terms. It's not that she should "dumb down" her explanations--not at all. I just think at times she could have done a little better job of writing to her audience. And to be fair, at times her writing is very clear and compelling--no easy task considering she's tackling a subject that, at its core, goes beyond words. All of that said, this is still definitely a worthwhile read. It's not just about any one concept or method, it's a comprehensive set of practices to free yourself from attachment to the false, surface layer, ego driven self in order to reach the real you--the you who can experience true joy that's not contingent upon your situation, not contingent upon money, status, getting what you want or finding that "special someone". I also liked how she makes it clear that none of these practices will make pain, fear or the ordinary troubles/emotions of life go away. What they will do is allow one to feel all of life fully without becoming attached. How often do we add to our misery by living in the past, replaying it over and over again, embellishing, adding commentary--letting the small snowball roll down the hill until it's big as a house? I've read a number of other books that cover roughly the same territory, each with its own slant and style. I'm glad to have found this book because, despite the occasional difficulties ciphering her meaning, I really feel it has a great deal to offer and has moved me forward in my personal journey.

Great book

Sent it to my daughter

I love anything Pema Chodron writes, which doesn't make me partial to this book, but more practical actually. This one may be my favorite of them all and my "go to book," when I need some balance and centering. Pema writes about truly deep subjects without feeling or sounding "heavy" or too overwhelming to slog thru. Rather, reading this book feels more like taking a walk with a friend who has great, everyday, practical insights into the way things really are. Most books that encourage one to view things from a different perspective present concepts that can be difficult to grasp. This book just nails it and makes simple sense. The concepts presented are more like seeing things as they actually are and adapting to a reality that we may not be accepting at the moment, more than trying to view things so radically different that we just can't manage to grasp the concepts. There's a good deal Zen teachings that support the concepts but one need not adhere to any of it to benefit from the wisdom that is presented. I doesn't matter if the advice is Buddhist in origin or not, they just make good sense and are very helpful. What I like most about all Pema's books is that it always brings us back to the need to loving ourselves unconditionally and then using that love to be more compassionate towards ourselves and then to the world. Being our own best friend is a theme that runs throughout most of her works and is especially helpful to keep in mind when we feel that our worlds have fallen apart. I find this book helpful even when one is not in the thick of a crisis. I also like "The Pocket Pema Chodron," and recommend both of these books highly.

When I was diagnosed with advanced cancer in 2010, a clinical trial nurse gave me one of the greatest gifts of my life: When Things Fall Apart – my introduction to Pema Chodron. My own experience with cancer is a validation of much of what she writes: “It’s as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hour, months or years.” This statement alone is a brilliant truth. Her writing about the practice of maitri, “developing loving-kindness and an unconditional friendship with ourselves”, is filled with compassion. Her line “It is never too late for any of us to look at our minds” is an invitation to grow. Over the years, I have given this book and others by Pema to countless loved ones and clients. At the same moment, Pema reveals a flaw in her thinking. Although she warns us not to participate in harshness, she herself levels a wholesale condemnation of theism: that in her mind, a belief in God, a higher power, entity or energy, is tantamount to “abdicating our responsibilities.” Belief, prayer, creating space to enter into an I-Thou relationship with the Divine: for Pema, this is the same as “thinking there is always going to be a babysitter available when we need one.” For Pema, feeling hope, having hope, and seeking to engender hope in others, is (to put in more kindly than she has) misguided. While I agree with so much of what Pema writes, her concept of, and denunciation of, any form faith and hope, is troubling. She participates in the very harshness she warns her readers against. My questions for her are as follows: was Martin Luther King seeking a “babysitter” when he invoked God in his messages? Was Jesse Normal referring to a “babysitter” when she sang Amazing Grace? When Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, was she hoping to connect with a “babysitter” to “hold her hand”? Is the entire work of St. Ignatius of Loyola, including his Spiritual Exercises, nothing more than a fool’s errand? When Native Americans participate in rituals honoring the Great Spirit, are they trying to relate with a “babysitter”? When Deepak Chopra observes when we see a glorious sunset, it is because God put it there for us to see, is he participating in the “theism” which Pema holds in contempt? Are Carmelite orders around the world silly and wrong to pray for peace on earth? Are Hindus in error encouraging us to be open to seeing God in every person? Are Jewish mystics in error to seek wisdom from the angels of the Kabbalah? I love Pema’s work. Every morning, I send Pema love and light and pray her work is disseminated and embraced. I pray this also for the Pope, the Dali Lama, Eluv (whose Guided Chakra Meditation and Guided Visualization is unparalleled for connecting with universal love and peace) Doreen Virtue’s early work and angel cards (available on Amazon and filled with hope, wisdom and compassion and Woodeene Koenig-Bricker’s wonderful book 365 Saints, a daily guide to the wisdom and wonder of their lives Pema has tapped into spiritual wisdom, but reveals a disdain for others’ beliefs. There is room for more than Pema’s judgment that belief in God is for those who only want a “babysitter.” Above Carl Jung’s office door hung a sign: “Called or not, God is present.” He was not talking about a “babysitter.” Maybe part of our lives and our spiritual practice is to have a deepening awareness of this holy and transcendent presence. On this point, Pema is not open, but Carl is. And openness is a great step to having compassion and peace – for ourselves, and others.