Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married

Interesting book. It's perhaps a little simplistic and obvious, but then again it's often the obvious things that we fail to notice or take for granted. This is a good book to keep around as a "refresher". I'd recommend re-reading it every few months or so. I think the overarching theme that Chapman wishes to stress is that almost all aspects of a marriage should be planned well *before* the marriage ever takes place. How many kids do you want? By when? How often do you plan to visit family? Are you going to raise your children to have the same values that you have, or are you going to let them decide for themselves (hopefully the latter)? What religion are you, and what does it require? Do you donate some of your income each month? Do you prioritize your siblings or your parents over your partner? Do you have a low or high sex drive? Do you think you can adapt if it changes over time? Do you agree on political issues or are you okay with the disagreements? Do you feel loved in the same way? Can you show someone you love them in a way different than you feel loved? And so on... the book covers a lot. I'm starting to get the impression that the vast majority of divorces occur because people misinterpret the evolutionarily useful (yet romantically deceiving) slurry of neurotransmitters in their brain as "true love". Call it what you like -- personal chemistry, honeymoon phase, tingles, butterflies, passion -- yawn. None of that holds a marriage together, and when that feeling disappears (as it always inevitably does; Chapman indicates this typically occurs around the two year mark), each spouse becomes disillusioned and feels like they've married a stranger -- one who disagrees with them on almost everything. In a lot of ways, I relate closely to the author's kind of thinking -- both his thought process and the way he perceives the world. It's interesting to see how he has overcome his personal relationship difficulties, and for me personally, I think knowing how he eventually fixed his issues can help me prevent my own from ever occurring in the first place.

This book is very useful to prepare people for marriage and I would recommend it for teens (even if they're not in a relationship), engaged couples, and even those already married since this provides realistic information about love and that not everything in a relationship is easy. It also helps people understand and attempt to loosely preset chores around the house and understand what to do with the extra money earned that isn't needed for bills. While I was already aware and have read about the 5 love languages, that is only briefly covered in one chapter while the rest provides other information so if you already read the 5 Love Languages book understand that there is a lot more involved in this book than that concept. The concept that I want to highlight in this book that I haven't read about before was the 5 Different Ways to Apologize. Increasingly, I think people need to be aware that what we consider to be a 'sincere apology' isn't necessarily the same as everyone else's though there are 5 of them that are fairly common. I was surprised when I found what I thought to be a sincere apology was listed word-for-word! This concept alone can be applied to anyone you socialize with and I especially recommend this piece if you are having apology problems between your friend, significant other, coworkers, and/or boss. Teens and those single will be able to learn a lot from this book, especially to realize that people, on average, are no longer "falling in love" within two years of the relationship and I think this would help them understand that relationships take a lot of work even when it's not convenient for you. Giving them an understanding of how to be flexible when apologizing and to know that people feel loved according to different love languages will make them more aware of how to improve their friendships and relationships in the future. Finally, there is reinforcement in being willing to do chores even if they're not popular and generally establishing healthy spending habits. I personally found this book to be thrilling and Gary Chapman successfully backs up some of his findings with Psychological research and definitions. I loved it so much that I read it in one sitting and now I'm getting my teen friends and budding couples into reading it. Awesome book; give it a try if you haven't already! (

I am 19 and I am "unofficially" engaged. I know that he and I will most certainly without a doubt be getting married. We have known each other since we were 5 and 6 years old and have built a friendship with God at the center. We are trying our hardest to do things that right way considering we have both come from very (for lack of a better word) dysfunctional house holds. Both of my parents being on their third marriages each and his finally coming back to The Lord after many years of living in the world, haven't always been the best examples for us to learn from. We know exactly how we don't want to lead a marriage but we were not sure exactly how go about leading a proper or Godly marriage. This book, which I accidentally stumbled upon a few weeks ago, has been a serious eye opener and a total reality check. Though I will admit we were in the "tingles" stage, as Dr. Gary Chapman puts it, we have always tried to stay realistic. "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" has truly taught us a lot of valuable lessons and I know we will keep the things we have learned from this book close at hand in the coming years. We thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, but what really made it interesting and kept us flipping the pages were the little anecdotes that were shared about other couples. Listening or reading their experiences really helped us relate to the situations that were being explained. We also liked the "Talking it Over" segments at the end of each chapter. Those we extremely useful when it came to understanding all the information that was just handed to us in the previous reading. I can not stop telling people about this book. I already have my sister and her husband reading it and it has greatly improved their relationship now after almost 4 months of marriage. I have also recommended it to each of my parents and my fiancé's parents as well because I know they could greatly benefit from it as I did. Thank You!

This is a solid and practical book in regards to preparing ones self for the realities of marriage and how to prepare for the inevitable problems that will undoubtedly arise. This book helps to lay out a foundation on how to handle the various conflicts and difficulties in marriage BEFORE they actually happen. The author is very honest and helpful when he says that most of the heartbreak that occurs in marriage happens because no one knows (or even thinks) about how to deal with the various troubles that WILL happen in marriage even when we pretend that they won't happen because, after all, "It's our marriage, and it will be different than all the other marriages just because it will be!" Such thinking will surely doom a marriage to destruction before it even sets sail on the turbulent sea that is life. You would very much be doing yourself a favor by reading through this book and then holding onto it for future reference as you navigate any pre-marriage relationships you may go through in the future.

Good quality book. Have as a gift

This is a different type of marriage book. It’s very practical and addresses topics will affect you marriage that you can discuss beforehand. Many of these things get figured out along the way by way of arguments and disagreements or worse, just acquiescing without agreeing. (10 years later this is the reason you’re getting divorced and you haven’t ever talked about it. The other person has no idea & you never trusted them enough to tell them your feelings.). These topics range from who is going to clean the toilet to handling money and marrying into another family. It’s good practical thought and food for discussion. As the first chapter says “Being in love is not is not an adequate foundation for a successful marriage.”

As someone who is saying “I do” in just a few months, I was thrilled to see that Gary Chapman, author of best-seller “The 5 Love Languages”, published another book that spoke to me, “Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Got Married.” I’m not someone that is naïve enough to think that marriage is easy simply because you’re in love- I’m well aware that things get hard, and that the first year of marriage is usually the most difficult to adjust to. Even with having that mindset, “Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Got Married” has taught me so many things that I am now thankful I know before I’m getting married! This book lays out any specific issues you might come across during your marriage, gives an explanation of the issue for complete understanding, and provides various solutions or discussion questions to talk about with your future spouse. Chapman uses examples from his own life, which gives the book a personal touch, letting the reader know that he is empathetic to the struggles of being a newly-wed. Although I only finished the book a couple weeks ago, I have applied some of the things that I learned to my current relationship and have seen the positive difference that the principles taught can make! I recommend this book to anyone who on getting married or being in a serious relationship, whether you are currently single, dating, engaged or already married. Anyone that reads this book can find beneficial information for their specific situation. I have already purchased two more of Gary Chapman’s books, and I can’t wait to read them and learn more!

Wonderful, helpful, insightful. Points out many of the key "sore spots" that can sour a marriage if left unmanaged, and how to address them. Very helpful, whether as a premarital counseling book, a book for the happily married couple, or even for the unhappily married couple willing to set their relationship right. Must read!